If you consider yourself a "perfectionist" like I used to, you need to read this so you don't go through the awful feelings I went through when learning another language.
Let's begin this story in the winter of 2022. I'm hungry for more progress so I can impress my students with my speaking skills in mandarin. I don't have the money for private classes, and I beleive I can learn by myself. Let's download Duolingo.
📞My favorite phrase I learned from the app was 你的電話號碼是多少, which means "What is your phone number".... but my students tell me... "Ummm that's not really what we normally say. That sounds like a textbook"
A few weeks pass. Then it turns into 2 months, and it seems that Duolingo isn't enough to give me the improvements that I really want. I am learning random words and prhases, but I can't find any opportunities to use them in class, I can't ask Duolingo questions, and I can't learn what I want to actually learn.
That's when I open my computer, and go onto the same platform I teach on, Amazing Talker.
Searching and searching, I'm not sure which teacher I should choose. A teacher from Mainland China or Taiwan... is there even a difference? (yes there is, but I didn't know that back then)
Ok, I have lots of students from Taiwan, so let's try this guy from Taiwan. I click beacuse of his professional profile photo. This guy looks like he knows what he's doing. Ooh and he has an in class video, perfect! Let's see what this guy is like...
Ooh a white guy taking his class..
He's asking him a question and corrected the white guy on his tones. Oh that's nice. Seems good. Let's take a trial class.
I'm gonna take a trial lesson with him, should be good.
I message him saying something like,
"Hey Chris! I just bought your trial lesson. Just to let you know that I am a beginner learner, just started learning a few months ago only using Duolingo, and I want to learn with you so I can know how to express myself. "
He says, "Okay great! See you then!
Zoom forward to the trial lesson and he is fully using mandarin...
I say, "Uh, wai- I don't ... hehe ummm"
I didn't even know how to tell him, I don't understand what you are saying. I couldn't respond anything in mandarin...
I only knew random words like
Hello, good morning - 你好，早上好
I'm good and you - 我很好，你呢？
I like... - 我喜欢...
Little/Big brother - 弟弟 / 哥哥
Little/Big sister - 妹妹 /姐姐
What am I supposed to do with that???
So I can't express anything in mandarin and I also can't understand anything.
I'm pretty much starting from zero!
How is it possible that 2 months of hard learning has gotten me nowhere!?
This pattern happened a few more times in a few other classes.
Teachers showed me how to say a few words and would ask me questions. My heart would be racing so fast as I was panicking to process what they said and panicking to remember how to respond. When I didn't know how to respond, they repeated the question and their face showed disappointment and a bit of frustration when I couldn't get it.
And each time I left those classes, I hit the leave zoom button and let my tears flow down my face.
Am I an idiot?
I should know how to do this. I learned Spanish, so ... hmmm what was that process like and can I do the same thing with Mandarin Chinese? I have to figure this out so my reputation as someone who teaches English can be stronger. I need people to know that my methods work.
The day after my 5th trial lesson, I'm talking about this struggle with student of mine living in Beijing.
He says, "Why are you looking so hard for a teacher?...You don't have to waste money. I can teach you?"
Oh, thank goodness. This could be the answer!
We meet for our first session, and he asks me,
"Ok. What do you want to learn?"
Um... How am I supposed to know what I should learn if I haven't learned it yet. What do I say? I don't know where to start!
He writes mandarin words on the white board but it just looks like a screen full of squiggly marks. He asks me to repeat, but how in the world am I supposed to remember that word??? I ask him to write the pin yin so I know how to pronounce it. He doesn't know how to write pinyin. Ok can you speak it more clearly and slowly? He says it the same way, and it doesn't help at all.
We do this for about 3 months every week.
Since I can't grasp what he was saying, and I can't use what he was teaching me, I become less engaged in our sessions. I'm wasting my time and I don't know what to do.
WHEN WILL THE FRUSTRATION END???
What would you do in my situation?
Give up
Download another app
Find someone near me who I can practice with
Find a good teacher
We end our sessions, so that means I have to find a teacher again.
I message a few teachers and one of them seems really nice and sweet. It's her friendly nature that let me feel so warm and ready to take a trial lesson with her. I didn't have this feeling with any of the other teachers because their teaching felt more cold and direct. This is typical of Asian culture, but it's not what I wanted.
We are in September 2022 at this point, and the day comes for the trial lesson. Her name is Eva. Eva introduced herself in mandarin and did it in a way and I come to find out that this fresh new sweet teacher is EXACTLY what I was looking for.
She is speaking slowly, clearly, she repeats, AND best of all... she even uses lots of body language and pictures to clearly represent what she is saying.
This is called TPR (Total Physical Response) and CI (Comprehensible Input).
This is the best technique in my professional opinion because it lets you not only immerse in that language, but think in that language. Fluency is achieved much faster this way becuase it follows the way that we learn our native language. It's also a great way to minimize the influence of the non natives speaker's native language. (This means I won't make as many mistakes in mandarin which are made because of the logic from the English language.)
So this is the happy ending, right? No more struggle. No more frustration. Just smooth sailing from here, right?
NOPE!
The ideal situation is I take classes every week at least twice a week and practice outside of class too. This is what I recommend to my students. The teacher should follow her own recommendations, right?
I didn't.
As an adult like you are, I'm sure you understand how busy life can get.
Do you make that famous excuse too? ...
"I dont' have time"
Silly silly excuse, but and understandable excuse, nonetheless.
I went a whole months with ZERO practice. How could I???
The reality is not that "I don't have time", but it's just that Chinese wasn't on the top of my priority list.
What was on my priority list, you ask?
📈 My business - Making sure I could sell more lessons
👩👧👦My family - Making sure I can spend quality time with them
🏫My university - Making sure I get my work done well so I can pass.
How can I expect results if I am investing time and energy into more important things. My brain initially says 'Wow, Hanna. You're so lazy.' But come on! It is unrealistic of me to put expectations on myself.
Have you found yourself in this situation before too? How do you feel about it?
This roller coaster hasn't ended and the most recent challenge was one where the BIGGEST realization took place.
This is a screenshot of a zoom meeting I had with Hank, my current podcast cohost, and good friend of mine who has been meeting with me to patiently help me practice and answer all my mandarin questions.
This screen shows the moment I hated myself, the moment I felt like a failure for not being able to perfectly pronounce the words to the mandarin script I was supposed to record to promote my IELTS / TOEFL course.
I was practicing for one hour just repeating those 4 paragraphs again and again. I spoke the wrong tone and my heart sinks deeper and deeper. Hank was so patient. He repeated it to me so many times, and I felt guilty that he was spending this much time to help me get it. Each time we started over, I wanted to dig my self into a whole and cry.
The stress was building up into my shoulders and my throat felt tight. I was holding back my tears because I felt ridiculous for crying like a child just for not being able to get it. Hank could read my emotions (maybe because he studied psychology) and asked, "Are you feeling ok?"
The trapped stress released suddenly like a river being held back by a wall of sticks. I cried from the painful frustration of constant failure.
After telling him that I just don't understand how I can't get it, he reminded me of the things that I needed to remember. And you need to remember it too.
You have already improved so much.
You have already put in a lot of effort.
You are doing much better than you think you are.
What you are doing is incredibly difficult, so be easy on yourself.
Those words were just what I needed to hear. It's easy to understand and know, but MAN... it's so hard to remember. We really do need that reminder so we don't get frustrated and have thoughts of giving up.
Here are the biggest takeaways I have gotten from this whole experience in the past 2 1/2 years:
Learning a language is not a smooth process
We should be realistic in understanding why we aren't improving
We have to find WHY we are feeling like giving up
We need to keep trying new things until something works.
We must give ourselves grace and gratitude for how far we have already come. Keep celebrating the small wins, so we can build comfidence.
Have you experienced similar challenges in your English journey? I would love to hear your experience. Comment your thoughts below, and don't forget to connect with me on IG @ Speakonwithhanna
You are always welcome to share your stories.
Book a lesson so you can have a positive learning environment for your needs. I know what it's like to feel the struggle you have been feeling. It doesn't have to be hard. You just need the right supporter in your corner to get your through it.
⬆️Use this link to book your lesson today. 😊
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